Can the Gods Cry? Read online

  “Cameron’s stance is simultaneously distanced, flyting and engaged, his authorial eye often turns on himself, debunking and wry. His dozen stories are bracingly different, weaving changes in tone and format, and in varieties of language, ranging from street-smart to the quasi-academic. … The reader’s reward is often to hear the distant rumble of the gods of rational discourse – crying out, inciting passion, and sometimes laughing as they go.” – The Scotsman

  “Allan Cameron is a writer who believes passionately in the power of language to illuminate and transform.” – The Herald

  “In ‘Aras and the Redistribution of Wealth’ the theoretical discussions of a revolutionary communist group contrast unfavourably with the actions of one Algerian immigrant who takes more direct action in his boss’s restaurant. Paradoxically Cameron is an ideas man himself. They fly from his stories faster than the reader can catch them.” – Scottish Review of Books

  Can the Gods Cry?

  by Allan Cameron

  For Margaret

  And in memory of Desmond Walker, a veteran of the “unforgiving years” whose wife and children were killed in the Blitz but whose humanity was never extinguished

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  The Narrative Voice, Litter, Dog Turds and Sundry Other Things Most Base and Foul

  Aras and the Redistribution of Wealth

  I Am Not My Body

  The Difficulty Snails Encounter in Mating

  A Dream of Justice

  Outlook

  No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

  Paradise, Hotel Accommodation, the Kitchen Staff and Sundry Other Things Most Elevated and Sublime

  This

  Escaping the Self

  The Essayist

  The Sad Passing of Chris Cary

  Author’s Afterword

  Copyright

  Can the Gods Cry?

  The Narrative Voice, Litter, Dog Turds and Sundry Other Things Most Base and Foul

  A young man, neat in his person and slender of build, closed the door of his parents’ home behind him and set off for the late shift at a factory making garden sheds, one of the few things still manufactured in the post-industrial city. No doubt garden sheds are bulky and relatively low-cost, so even the exploited labour of a distant, supposedly communist state cannot provide, in this restricted market, for our consumer needs.

  He picked his way across the crumpled crisp packets, dog turds, fag ends flattened underfoot and newspapers turned to papier-mâché by rainwater sticky with city dirt. It was a sweltering summer afternoon – and he was unused to such heat. By the time he reached the green, his head had started to spin, and sweat was pasting his shirt to his skin. He felt mildly unwell. A slight indisposition, he thought. Actually that is my word; he would never have said “indisposition”, but I have no idea of what word he would have used, even though it is my job to know what words people use. “Indisposition” will do, as long as the boss agrees, and my current one is a right arse – one of those sickly pedantic creatures who make up for knowing nothing by constantly sticking their drippy noses into a dictionary or an encyclopaedia or a thesaurus or a God knows what.

  The young man steadied himself against a tree and breathed in hard.

  “Can I help you?” I said, munching on a crisp or two. “You’re looking a little peaky, if you don’t mind me saying.”

  He was still steadying himself and seemed to be having difficulty in focusing on me. Eventually, by which I mean after a period of at least two minutes, time enough for me to eat two more packets of crisps, he managed to enunciate a few words, “Who the hell are you?”

  Now this was not as rude as it might seem, because I do cut a rather strange figure: I am enormous – all these crisps, I suppose – and I never feel the heat. Even on a day like that, I was dressed in a heavy pullover, corduroy trousers and a woolly nightcap with a bobble at the end. I have an obsession with matching clothes, so my red hat has a purple ball of wool at the end, my jumper has a red and purple check, and one trouser leg is red and the other purple.

  “Would you stand still for a moment! Would you stop leaping about like a rabbit and talking to yourself in all those different voices!” he commanded in a weak, slightly pleading voice.

  Actually this was not as rude as it might seem either, because I do have this habit of leaping around – bit of a tic really; you know, an uncontrollable, spasmodic, muscular convulsion. It’s as though I can never stay on the same subject for more than a few seconds. But that’s what they tell me to do: don’t lecture people, they get bored, and you’ve got to entertain. You’re not doing essays or histories or any of that fancy and well thought-out stuff; you’re leaping around and keeping the attention of you-know-who.

  “God, my head hurts,” he said in a tired voice that suggested real suffering.

  I stuffed a few more crisps into my mouth and said, “Would you like a crisp? They’re pickled Worcestershire bacon with horseradish sauce – my favourite.”

  He just looked at me in disbelief, and didn’t even thank me. So I started to cartwheel around the green, such is my joie de vivre, such my tireless energy. In my line of work, you’ve seen it all – after a bit, you’ve seen it all. You get very detached and just enjoy things. What else is there? Of course, I can moralise, if that’s what they want of me. I can moralise as well as the next man, but there’s no conviction – not in my line of work.

  By the time I had cartwheeled my way round the entire green, right back to where I started, he was as white as a sheet. Sweat was pouring off his face, and he looked as though he was past caring. He glanced at me with an expression of complete bafflement; people can do that sometimes, so I don’t take a great deal of notice. “Who the hell are you? How does a fat man like you leap so high and then cartwheel the green. It makes no sense… I said, who the hell are you?”

  That last bit he said quite loudly, angrily even. So I decided to put him out of his misery: “I am…” I paused to increase the suspense – you learn how to do that in my line of business. “I am…”

  “Come on, spit it out,” he said grumpily.

  “Well for starters, a lot of the academicians, the prescribers of good English don’t like you doing that!”

  “Doing what?”

  “You know: loudly, angrily, grumpily – all those adverbs. They don’t like them.”

  “What are you on about?”

  “I’ll have you know that I am the Narrative Voice.”

  “Away you go, you numpty.”

  I ignored this expression, which was clearly outside the realm of Standard English. An insult, of course. And not one that I was willing to let pass. “That’s right. I’m the Narrative Voice and I’m telling a story about you.”

  “Me?”

  “That’s right, we live in democratic times – more’s the pity – and so I no longer mix exclusively with the gods and godlike heroes. And this time I have got myself one of those writers who write stories with no story.”

  “Defeats the object.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “Plain speech?”

  “Not this one. Says he doesn’t like mimesis.”

  “What’s that when it’s at home?”

  “Realism. Copying from life.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “And no story?”

  “That’s right. My remit is clearly stated in the contract. I am to describe your journey from the moment you left your home until you get round the corner.”

  “Round the corner? You’re pulling my chain. You mean the corner just after the library?”

  “The very same.”

&nbs
p; “That’s not five hundred yards.”

  “Correct.”

  “And what happens after that?

  “I’m afraid that’s not the kind of thing I can divulge.”

  “Is that right? So you can’t tell me what this writer fella has got in store for me? Nice one. I bet you can’t tell me, because it’s something bad.”

  “Not at all, but there are regulations that have to be adhered to in all circumstances.”

  “Really? Well, there’s a council regulation about not throwing your empty crisp packets on the green or anywhere else.”

  I chortled politely and then cruelly gave him one of my withering stares to remind him of who was in the stronger position. “By the way, what’s your name?”

  “Tom… Tom Cunningham. Why do you want to know?”

  “I don’t, but I need to let the readers know. It’ll help them tie things up much later in the book.”

  “Do I have a good part then?”

  “Not really.”

  “What’s the book called?

  “Do the Gods Cry?”

  “Who’s the author?”

  “You won’t have heard of him. He’s back at his desk, chewing his pen and fretting like the fool he is. As writers like him are more attached to ideas than genuine emotion, he gives himself great airs and struts around declaiming great chunks of poetry – mostly his own – and claiming that he has no sense of who or what we are and his god has died.”

  “His God no less”

  “Indeed, the arrogance of the literary type. Poseurs!”

  “Posers, you mean?”

  “Sorry about that, he – the man chewing his pen and reciting poetry – is having a bad influence on me.”

  “And who is this god who’s died? This god he holds so dear?”

  “The god of compassion. That’s intellectuals for you. Society moves an inch and they think it has moved a mile. To my mind, there was only ever a trickle of compassion, and if it’s changed, it hasn’t changed that much. Besides, if God does exist, He exists beyond time and doesn’t change with every passing fad.”

  “A wee bit off his head, is he?”

  “No more than any other writer I’ve worked for. He doesn’t know whether gods exist, but he says they are definitely real.”

  “So he talks in riddles?”

  “Well, they like that sort of thing. They like to sound profound. Deep voice, gravitas and long pauses between words, and then they get me to do all the work,” I said and then did a few cartwheels to distract him. “Sure you don’t want a crisp?” were my first words when I suddenly popped back up in front of him, giving him a little start. “Madras curry with organic coriander. Not at all bad.”

  He declined with a slight move of his hand, which seemed to tire him.

  “Suit yourself,” I said with just the right dose of “See-if-I-care” affectation of having taken offence. I drove this point home by consuming five packets of the stuff noisily with a great display of the pleasure it gave me. He stood in silence, almost absent. As he refused to be riled, I returned to our previous subject, “You see, the writer claims that gods keep human beings together. They may be mere constructs of the human brain – who knows? – but they affect people’s actions and that is real enough. Warrior tribes have warrior gods, peasants have gods of fertility and good harvests, and these gods tell them how to cooperate. Even the nineteenth-century atheists had a kind of god – an anti-god, if you like – who was a gap on the wall where a picture has been removed or a broken statue. A god whose presence was his absence, but what have we got now?”

  “We’re to think things out for ourselves, I would say.”

  “But do you? Do you really?” I took out another packet of crisps and looked as though I cared. “Look around you. Listen to the words we use? Are we really a more thoughtful society than we were before?”

  “Who knows? I’ve never lived in any other. What’s this writer fella like anyway?”

  “He lives in a shack at the top of a mountain in Sutherland and talks to the birds.”

  “A recluse.”

  “That’s it. Writers say they need peace to meditate and develop their arguments. Such fragile beings.”

  “And that’s what he came up with after all this peaceful meditation: the gods not crying? I hope he didn’t get an Arts Council grant.”

  “I’m afraid he did.”

  “I’m not sure I’ll read it – his book, I mean.”

  “Well, as he recently said to his daughter…”

  “His daughter? He has children?

  “Yes, he lives with his wife and fourteen children in a converted Presbyterian church in Achnabotail and suffers from alcoholism. Writers always have this idea that they have to live life to the full and drink themselves to death. They say it helps their creativity.”

  “Fourteen children? I thought you said that he lived on his own.”

  “Did I? Listen, the author is of no importance. Who cares about the author and his biography? There’s too much of that crap, these days. Plastered over the back cover as though anybody gives a damn. A writer’s biography is always going to disappoint. The only important people are me of course, you the character and the reader, and God knows who she is, poor bastard.”

  “I’m not a character!”

  “Oh yes you are, if I’m putting words into your mouth – I can do that,” I drew myself up to my full height.

  “God, what am I doing here? I should be off to work. None of this makes any sense.”

  “Why this hankering? – this crazy hankering for making sense of things. I’m in the business of making people not understand things they thought they understood very well.”

  “A contrarian?”

  “Yes, yes, a contrarian. Well done. That is the right word.”

  “Well, you can be a contrarian without telling silly stories.”

  “That’s true,” I had to admit.

  “So, you’ll let me get on with my day,” he almost sneered, conscious of his little victory.

  “Go on then! Who’s stopping you? That’s how people live now – all TV and Internet. You have a chance to know about not just any book, but a book about you. Even a philistine like yourself should be interested in that.”

  Predictably he stopped and turned again. “I do read,” he said. “I read a lot.”

  “Yeah? Like what?”

  “Everything: fiction, non-fiction, thrillers, detectives, politics, literature. Anything that comes my way. Why else would I be hallucinating about a narrative voice?”

  “Hallucinating indeed.” I leapt up and down, half in anger this time, and then, calming down I removed my nightcap and studied it. “Listen to the tinkling sound.”

  He came close and concentrated on listening. “There is no tinkling sound.”

  “Exactly.”

  He lost his patience and started to turn away.

  “It’s the new issue for narrative voices,” I said entreatingly. “Just a woolly ball. No cluster of little brass bells. No tinkles,” I looked up with a sense of something important to say. “It’s all the fault of television. Those voiceovers they have, with their careful, actors’ voices that hold your attention, they make readers feel inadequate. Everything is smooth, everything is presentation. What space is there for readers to feel they can invent their own voices in their heads and hear that tinkle?”

  “Was there ever a time in which all narrative voices had a tinkle? Many I can think of had a rather moralistic tone and certainly no tinkles.”

  I felt a little offended; I had opened my heart and given away secrets, something that the authorities would not have approved of. I have been around for a long time; I was invented before feedback and interactive keys and buttons. “Any good narrative voice has to have a little fun: the tinkle might be ever so slight and even be drowned out by weightier matters, but it should always be there. The tinkle, you see, is in the background; often the most important things are. But now they’ve taken it away.
Not a nuanced time we live in.”

  “You’re looking a little sad, as though you’ve just remembered a beloved grandmother or the taste of apples when you were small. But narrative voices can’t have childhoods, and I pity the author who gets stuck with you. They certainly took the tinkle out of your nightcap.”

  I found myself a bench, sat down heavily and started to weep.

  Tom came over and put an arm around me. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive. You seemed so full of yourself, so able to see everywhere and form an opinion on everything.”

  “Do you think this is an easy job: spouting off like a ventriloquist’s dummy?”

  “I’d no idea.”

  “All that omniscience and all that cruelty they make us inflict. Think of it.” I turned and adopted a confidential manner. “Tom, do you believe in heaven and hell?”

  “No.”

  “Why are you so sure?”

  “Well, hell is absurd. What could anyone do to deserve an eternity of Auschwitz? What kind of religion comes up with that?”

  “Interesting point. What about paradise?”

  “Aren’t they a pair? If you believe in one, you have to believe in them both.”

  I smiled because I knew something that he didn’t know and that the reader doesn’t know yet. It is such a pleasure for those in the know to smile at those who aren’t.

  “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off,” he huffed.

  I let him go, but followed along behind. Occasionally he staggered and once he turned round to look at me. He seemed upset to see me still there, bouncing along behind him. He tried to quicken his pace for a bit, but he was still poorly. He sunk back into his thoughts. At the corner where the library is, he decided to ignore the traffic lights with their green men and went to the edge of the pavement on the busier road. Someone who is utterly lost in his thoughts has no place in this world. He started to cross the road and ended up in another…

  Aras and the Redistribution of Wealth